Workplace romances are always a bad idea and I do my best to avoid them.
Which is why I am absolutely NOT interested in that cute, adorable, geeky redhead girl; (half my age), who thinks I’m physically attractive and is clearly looking to make a mistake.
No interest whatsoever…
May lightning strike me down if I’m lying.
Yes, yes Man cannot live by bread alone but we all know how these stories end.
That’s right, dear readers, I have indeed fallen under the influence of Heinlein’s Curse.
The possession of red hair gives any female +2 SMV (sexual market value) in the eyes of any male who has ever read a piece of science fiction. Spell resist does not negate.
Search your heart. You know it to be true.
But wait how is this a curse? Shouldn’t it be called Heinlein’s Law or Heinlein’s Blessing? Why it is a curse? Well two reasons.
First of all…
It also applies to women like THIS
Sorry but I had to get my point across.
and second of all Heinlein’s Curse does a tremendous amount of damage to any geek community foolhardy enough to ignore it’s existence.
I mean just think of how thirsty your typical geek is? Now add two points of SMV to an average semi-geek woman. On a ten point scale the effect is dramatic! Our thirsty geek friend is suddenly willing to completely humiliate himself in order to get the attention of a woman he considers a seven. Even worse he is humiliating himself over a woman that outside non-geek observers correctly see as a five, making the geek look even more awkward and ridiculous then he normally would.
The red hair effect gets even more dangerous when you take already attractive or charming woman and give her red hair. Geeks are willing to humiliate themselves over a average woman with red hair, when a hot redheaded chick appears they quickly turn into drooling fedora-clad zombies. Muttering to themselves, longing for the embrace of their Goddess and completely ignoring non-redheaded women who are actually interested in them.
Heinlein’s Curse destroys normal male-female geek relations which are always badly strained at the best of times. The unnatural preference geek culture gives to red-haired women is grossly unfair to blondes and brunettes. Especially to brunettes since blonds can fall to the dark side and dye their hair red.
But the real damage to Geek Culture, comes from the Geek Celebrities. Here is where the Curse works its dark magic.
To be bluntly factual; Felicia Day’s usurperous claim to the title Queen of the Geeks and for that matter pretty much her entire career is based SOLELY on the fact she has red hair.
I would wager that if Ms. Day ever dyed her hair black that she would lose control of her powerful beta orbiters and that tens of thousands of adoring white knights and internet cuckmandos would lose interest in her Worshipfulness and drift away in pursuit of some other fair maiden . Never underestimate the power of Heinlein’s Curse you will encounter it throughout all parts of geekdom.
There was definitely some Heinlein’s Curse going on inside the GamerGate community. I’ll tell you that for damn sure. I don’t want to bring up old drama but there were at least two clear cases of a barely above average woman dying her hair red and then suddenly attracting hordes of thirsty geeks. You could almost scientifically measure the Curse. It got even worse when you added in one women who had natural red hair and was actually attractive. Damn near had white knight crusade at one point! Hell I would have been right there tipping fedoras and hacking off limbs. Luckily M’Lady had enough integrity to back off and get everybody to calm down.
So in summary; we don’t know where Heinlein’s Curse came from (although one theory believes the Curse is the result of Mr. Heinlein’s publisher cheating him out of royalties) and we have no idea how to break this most wicked and evil curse but every geek should be aware of the Curse’s existence and try to account for it in his life.
Lastly be especially careful around unattractive overweight women who have dyed their hair red… or for that matter any bright colour. Just because you’re thirsty doesn’t mean you should drink from poisoned wells.
And about my situation… Please send your prayers. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out.