Holiday Trumpmas Dinner

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“Dad, why do we eat pizza on Trumpmas?” Cody asked out of the blue.

“Because President Trump pardoned all the turkeys,” Kylie chirped in.

Dave looked at the kids and decided to go with that one, ”So it would be kind of a jerk move to eat turkey on Trumpmas.”

Cody’s eyes lit up for a moment but he wasn’t satisfied. “Isn’t there like another reason?”

Dave hesitated, “Probably but Trump lived a long time ago back on Old Earth. Nobody’s really sure why that wall he built was so important…”

“Can we build a wall? I wanna build a wall!” Erik yelled excitedly.

“Pizza’s ready!” Karen announced finally bringing the much anticipated dinner to the table and saving her husband from additional embarrassment. “Second one’s in the oven.”

“Hey Karen, is there a specific reason we eat pizza on Trumpmas?” Dave asked. “Is there a Christian thing that I’m missing?”

Karen looked confused for a moment, ”No? I can’t think of any. It’s just the tradition. I think we picked it up from the Magdenese.”

Dave grumbled slightly before he took the pizza cutter and begin cutting slices for the increasingly excited and impatient children. “It’s just weird that we really only eat pizza on this one day.”

“What’s wrong with having one day a year where we wear cowboy hats and eat pizza?” Karen replied. “The fourth of July* is the start of the summer holiday why not have a party with a few silly rituals?”

“Right, right sorry ignorant pagan here,” Dave grunted. “Cody was asking about it and it just got me wondering. Usually there’s a reason traditions get started.”

Karen eyed Dave wearily, neither of them were exactly Old Earth history experts. “Just eat the damn pizza, cowboy. Those illegals aren’t going to round themselves up.”

Dave shrugged, took a huge pull from his beer mug and after making sure all three of the children were taken care of made a plate for himself.

“I think I got it,” Karen announced. “There’s an old fairytale about Saint Donald and Jeff the Wizard breaking into Hell in order to rescue the children.”

The kids stopped eating and looked eagerly at their mother.

“But… what does that have to do with pizza?” Kylie asked.

“I don’t know.” Karen admitted. “I don’t remember the story that well.”

“Is there a movie?” Cody asked.

“There has to be a movie,” Erik added. “Can we watch it?”

“Saint Donald?” Dave muttered as he got up.

“Are you seriously going to search for it now?” Karen grimaced.

Dave drained the last of beer in a quick decisive gulp. “Yeah it’s a holiday and I got nothing better to do.”

“Any movie involving Hell is probably not going to be suitable for young children,” Karen scolded.

“Won’t know until I look,” Dave replied walking over to the television, and punching in the first few search options.”

Erik darted over to help his dad and Dave had to yell at him to go back in the dining room.

“I think I got something?” Dave announced. “But it’s in Russian, with subtitles.”

“English!” Karen yelled. “We speak English on this planet.”

“I know,” Dave laughed. “It’s just hilarious that that’s the first thing to come up.” Breyland’s vast electronic libraries were full of little gems like that. “It’s public domain so there has to be an English version somewhere.”

“And what’s the rating?” Karen demanded. “Just because it’s a fairy tale…”

“Bingo got it! Animated, Full English redub, seventy two minutes.” Dave announced triumphantly. “Are we watching it?”

The boys cheered loudly. They had no idea what the movie was but it had to be awesome right? How could such a thing not be awesome? Everything about Trump was awesome. That was what made him Trump.

“Kylie is five!” Karen said sternly as she stomped over to the television.

“Rated youth-seven.” Dave replied. “That’s probably pretty reasonable.”

Kylie sheepishly wandered over to her parents, “It’s a fairy tale, right?”

Karen reluctantly nodded.

Kylie continued, “and the good guys win, right?”

Dave and Karen looked at each other. The world wasn’t always fair but yes sometimes the good guys won and when they did win you made a point to tell their stories.

“Okay,” Karen agreed. “Let’s do this.”

Dave nodded wordlessly and then very carefully unhooked the television from the wall. Traditions always began somewhere and he was definitely curious about this one. Legends and myths passed from hand to hand twisted and reforged over the eons of time but as always the heroes and villains remained; such was the fabric of cultures weaved…

A sudden buzzer sounded and shattered that fleeting chain of thought as his wife frantically herded their daughter back into the dining room and darted towards the kitchen to take the second pizza out of the oven.

Dave said a wordless prayer to whatever deity might be listening and wheeled the television into the dining room. Hey it was a holiday why not have a little fun.

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*Breyland uses a 13 month planetary calendar.

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Holiday Trumpmas Dinner

Not What I Had Expected

I honestly had no idea Nazi Vaporwave was an actual thing it sounded too stupid to actually exist… but here we are.

I’ve posted some of Knight SGC’s videos before. His Sabaton videos in particular are superb (everything goes better with Sabaton.) I was still surprised to see THIS in his subscription feed. Masterfully edited to boot. Just sitting here laughing my ass off at how certain SJWs would react if they were send this as a twitter response.

I stated before that the age of the Nazi Meme is coming to an end and that it is time for the Alt-Right to move away from the tactic and look towards the longer term.

But this was just damn funny to see coming from a completely unexpected source and it really made my evening.

Not What I Had Expected

Alt Hero: The Boulder is Rolling

Just spent most of the day sperging out about Alt-Hero. This is going to be one incredible ride.

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Only a Frenchman can be this much of a smug douchebag and still look good in tights.

The SJWs are finally starting to get wind of it but I don’t think it’s dawned on them that they can’t actually stop the boulder rolling towards them. Castalia House has just enough of an internal distribution network that they don’t have to go through normal comic industry channels. There had been some concern about a kickstarter being taken down but the new fundrising site Freestartr is firmly Alt-Tech and can be counted not to yield to outside pressure.

So yes very soon it will indeed be Hammertime.

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As for the content of the three currently planned sixty-four page comics? Speculation is or course, running wild. While Vox Day, Lead Writer and presumably Editor In Chief has promised that the REEEEEEEEs will be audible in orbit, sceptics contend that in space only the psychics can hear you scream. NASA has so far refused to comment but at least one microphone has been set up outside the International Space Station.

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What is the great appeal of Alt-Hero? Quite simply the possibilities are damn near endless and since no one has the complete details of what the Alt-Hero Team are actually going to do, the hype is building and everyone is having a blast speculating about it?

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The latest hot takes… is Rainbow in fact a closeted straight man with a secret tradwife and family that he must keep hidden from his Global Justice Initiative employers?

Does Redshift moonlight as Captain Pantless the Uncatchable Sports Event Streaker?

Many questions, few answers. Who knows but we’ll soon find out.

 

Alt Hero: The Boulder is Rolling

Breyland Notes: The Magic Space Aryan Racial Purity Scale

Just another world building article to help me collect my thoughts. This one started out as a joke but then went into much more serious territory than I originally planned to cover…but since they are going to call me a Nazi anyway.

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The Magic Space Aryan Racial Purity Scale

Master Race

Almost Master Race

Proper White Devil

Pretty Damn White

Ethnically Enhanced Pseudo-Caucasian

Still Sorta White

Brownish

Generic Brown Olive Person

Browner Than Usual

Suspiciously Black

Suitable for Picking Cotton

Too Black to Give a Fuck

 

One of the more interesting things about playing around in the Breylandverse is the complete lack of political correctness and trying to figure out how ordinary people would act when placed in such a complex swirling ball of chaos as Early Restoration Breyland.

The above scale is barracks humor that originated among the NCOs of the Sector Guard (Colonial Sepoy Infantry) and Paramilitary Police (PMP often referred to pimps.) The joke however rapidly took on a life of its own and spread throughout the military and merchant marine as it almost perfectly captures, mocks and attempts to reconcile the racial politics that occurs through the Breylandic military and a large proportion of the colony worlds.

Magic Space Aryan is a mocking term* used to describe Ethnic Breylanders (particularity arrogant government officials.) It works as rhetoric on two fronts; first while Breylanders are a distinctly ‘white race’ some of their subject worlds are even more ‘European’ and attacking their sense of racial superiority by pointing out that they are not completely white can severely rattle some individuals. The other aspect is calling out the contrast between Golden Age Breyland Left-Libertarian traditions and the vicious reality of what their descendants have to do in order to keep their unstable multi-ethnic empire from collapsing. This the Beautiful Terror, the constant back and forth dissonance as Breyland struggles to restore its own lost cultural legacy while having to come to terms with having an Empire that the people (and a large segment of the new regime) do not want; yet dare not get rid of. At the end of the day Breyland finds itself occupying a large number of world simply to deny them to their enemies.

The view from the colonies is much different and a strange vague form of Civic Nationalism is beginning to arise. The Loyal Barbarians are getting very angry at the Disloyal Barbarians who are ruining a good thing**. While many of these worlds have little which to negotiate with the central government; they have the blood of their soldiers. These population are also hopeful for the future and prefer to take their chances under the Beautiful Terror then to risk the tender mercies of the New Ganymede Confederacy or the chaos and barbarism of the sort of Pirate Kingdoms that are likely to form in the event of a complete collapse.

As more and more sepoys die in the service of Breyland the blood debt grows but that debt of honor can only be paid back if Breyland survives. The chaos must end. The pirates must be eliminated. Order must be restored. Nations, Tribes, Empires all of it comes down men who must do their duty. One man at a time. One duty at time. One war at a time. Breyland will survive but at what cost?

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In hindsight Brothers In The Dust is actually more of a Zulu War scenario than an Iraq or Vietnam analogy… just need to grab one story and tell it.

* In case any of you were wondering why I sometimes refer to my readers as such.

**Breyland also charges its colonies and occupied worlds far less in taxes than the Confederates do. So at least some of this phony patriotism is purely economic in nature.

 

Breyland Notes: The Magic Space Aryan Racial Purity Scale

Hopefully Inspiring Meme Dump

Feeling a little down tonight so I figured I’d go dig through my image folders and post some inspiring memes rather than sit around and pout all night.

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Those pigs shouldn’t have been talking shit, fam.

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It’s this or back issues of Male Feminist Monthly.

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Also he’s a veteran.

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Southpark mostly sucks but every now and then they just hit one clean out of the ballpark.

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Breyland expects every man to do his duty.

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Not a Churchill fan but he was the right man at the right time in the right place. That has to count for something doesn’t it?

Hopefully Inspiring Meme Dump

When The Going Gets Weird. The Weird Get Going.

The sidhe mystic trembled as she came out of her meditative trance, “Fedoras,” she gasped her eyes wide with otherworldly terror. The two men standing in front of her both took instinctively took a step back as the room shook slightly.

“What? A vision?” Drake Decker, paranormal investigator asked. “Tell me, what did you see?”

“Fedoras… many fedoras! All being tipped together,” the mystic pronounced. “Something is coming!”

Drake went to ask a followup question but before he could the sidhe tore off her clothes and run off screaming into the night. “Hmm,” he pondered. “Probably not a good sign.”

“Most definitely not a good sign,” Dave the fabulously gay wizard added. “Anything that can scare Kylie like that is going to be err… troublesome.”

“So much for my vacation,” Drake lamented. “We need to at least hold the fort down until back up arrives.”

“What about Kylie?” The wizard asked motioning to the open door. “We don’t need her scaring the normies.”

“She’ll be fine,” Drake replied. “Nigh invulnerable fairie thot superstar.”

“You’re not worried about a naked elf chick running down the street screaming about negative vibrations in the cosmic resonance?”

“It’s Vancouver, no one will notice anything out of the ordinary.” Drake shrugged. It was one of the few advantages to working out of Canada’s Left Coast.

“So what now?” Dave asked.

There was a tense silent moment while Drake reviewed his options. “If it’s not an Elder God we can handle it, just have to call in a few favors that’s all.”

“You mean more favors,” The wizard added. Just getting a sidhe, any sidhe involved was going to cost the Order something down the line.

“We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.” Drake muttered. “First things first, we need to stake out that anime fan convention you were talking about earlier.”

“Right big concentration of virgins,” Dave nodded. “Barely any security. At most a wand-mage or two packing heat.”

“Just what a fledgling goddess cult needs.” Drake said. “But that’s a little too obvious. Anything else going this weekend that might fit the bill?”

The wizard eyes briefly went white as he refreshed his memory. “The Association For the Appreciation of Monstergirls is holding a meeting.”

“Even bigger dorks, older too so their blood would be exceptionally potent.” Drake said swiftly.

“One catch I don’t think any of those guys are virgins,” Dave countered.

“Really?” Drake retorted.

“Because there’s only really one way to properly appreciate a monstergirl,” Dave answered with a smirk.

Drake didn’t want to think about it. “Okay we’ll stick to the anime convention. It’s a place to start.”

When The Going Gets Weird. The Weird Get Going.

Laughing Like a Madman

For some reason Open Office doesn’t like the word ethno-nationalist. The spell checker is instead suggesting the word ethanol-nationalist.

This totally needs to be a thing.

and since I suppose we need a definition

Ethanol-Nationalist: A person who remains silent when sober but quickly becomes patriotic, outspoken and politically incorrect after consuming large amount of alcohol. Typically spotted at sporting events and family BBQs.

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Anyway I really needed a laugh and that little quirk just struck me as hysterical.

 

Laughing Like a Madman