2017 was a confusing year of transition and change.
2018 is when the winning turns bigly.
2017 was a confusing year of transition and change.
2018 is when the winning turns bigly.
“Dad, why do we eat pizza on Trumpmas?” Cody asked out of the blue.
“Because President Trump pardoned all the turkeys,” Kylie chirped in.
Dave looked at the kids and decided to go with that one, ”So it would be kind of a jerk move to eat turkey on Trumpmas.”
Cody’s eyes lit up for a moment but he wasn’t satisfied. “Isn’t there like another reason?”
Dave hesitated, “Probably but Trump lived a long time ago back on Old Earth. Nobody’s really sure why that wall he built was so important…”
“Can we build a wall? I wanna build a wall!” Erik yelled excitedly.
“Pizza’s ready!” Karen announced finally bringing the much anticipated dinner to the table and saving her husband from additional embarrassment. “Second one’s in the oven.”
“Hey Karen, is there a specific reason we eat pizza on Trumpmas?” Dave asked. “Is there a Christian thing that I’m missing?”
Karen looked confused for a moment, ”No? I can’t think of any. It’s just the tradition. I think we picked it up from the Magdenese.”
Dave grumbled slightly before he took the pizza cutter and begin cutting slices for the increasingly excited and impatient children. “It’s just weird that we really only eat pizza on this one day.”
“What’s wrong with having one day a year where we wear cowboy hats and eat pizza?” Karen replied. “The fourth of July* is the start of the summer holiday why not have a party with a few silly rituals?”
“Right, right sorry ignorant pagan here,” Dave grunted. “Cody was asking about it and it just got me wondering. Usually there’s a reason traditions get started.”
Karen eyed Dave wearily, neither of them were exactly Old Earth history experts. “Just eat the damn pizza, cowboy. Those illegals aren’t going to round themselves up.”
Dave shrugged, took a huge pull from his beer mug and after making sure all three of the children were taken care of made a plate for himself.
“I think I got it,” Karen announced. “There’s an old fairytale about Saint Donald and Jeff the Wizard breaking into Hell in order to rescue the children.”
The kids stopped eating and looked eagerly at their mother.
“But… what does that have to do with pizza?” Kylie asked.
“I don’t know.” Karen admitted. “I don’t remember the story that well.”
“Is there a movie?” Cody asked.
“There has to be a movie,” Erik added. “Can we watch it?”
“Saint Donald?” Dave muttered as he got up.
“Are you seriously going to search for it now?” Karen grimaced.
Dave drained the last of beer in a quick decisive gulp. “Yeah it’s a holiday and I got nothing better to do.”
“Any movie involving Hell is probably not going to be suitable for young children,” Karen scolded.
“Won’t know until I look,” Dave replied walking over to the television, and punching in the first few search options.”
Erik darted over to help his dad and Dave had to yell at him to go back in the dining room.
“I think I got something?” Dave announced. “But it’s in Russian, with subtitles.”
“English!” Karen yelled. “We speak English on this planet.”
“I know,” Dave laughed. “It’s just hilarious that that’s the first thing to come up.” Breyland’s vast electronic libraries were full of little gems like that. “It’s public domain so there has to be an English version somewhere.”
“And what’s the rating?” Karen demanded. “Just because it’s a fairy tale…”
“Bingo got it! Animated, Full English redub, seventy two minutes.” Dave announced triumphantly. “Are we watching it?”
The boys cheered loudly. They had no idea what the movie was but it had to be awesome right? How could such a thing not be awesome? Everything about Trump was awesome. That was what made him Trump.
“Kylie is five!” Karen said sternly as she stomped over to the television.
“Rated youth-seven.” Dave replied. “That’s probably pretty reasonable.”
Kylie sheepishly wandered over to her parents, “It’s a fairy tale, right?”
Karen reluctantly nodded.
Kylie continued, “and the good guys win, right?”
Dave and Karen looked at each other. The world wasn’t always fair but yes sometimes the good guys won and when they did win you made a point to tell their stories.
“Okay,” Karen agreed. “Let’s do this.”
Dave nodded wordlessly and then very carefully unhooked the television from the wall. Traditions always began somewhere and he was definitely curious about this one. Legends and myths passed from hand to hand twisted and reforged over the eons of time but as always the heroes and villains remained; such was the fabric of cultures weaved…
A sudden buzzer sounded and shattered that fleeting chain of thought as his wife frantically herded their daughter back into the dining room and darted towards the kitchen to take the second pizza out of the oven.
Dave said a wordless prayer to whatever deity might be listening and wheeled the television into the dining room. Hey it was a holiday why not have a little fun.
*Breyland uses a 13 month planetary calendar.
Sorry I had to post this… [3 mins]
Quality memework and it had to be an absolute pain to edit.
And since Sabaton makes everything better here’s a Redwall/The Last Stand AMW by the same poster.
Soy Wars: The Divide
We think that’s a Poe… but nobody can be sure about anything.
It’s a well known fact that movie critics and general audience members look for completely different things in a movie. So having a large difference between the scores given by the critics and those given by the fans is not unusual. However for some reason people seem to be very touchy about critics giving the latest Star Wars movie a rating about 93 while the general audience rating is hovering around the high 50s. A forty point difference is a bit much and mere shilling and SOCJUS does not completely explain such a huge difference.
WCBS on the excuses for the critic / audience divide.
Yes the critics really are trying to deflect away the ratings split but claiming that mean people on the internet are being mean. The New Ghostbusters movie and Justice League are given as examples of a critic / audience split.
Welcome to JediGate. Yes we’ve been here before. Just get your passport stamped and your bags through customs. Don’t forget to tip the Wookie either.
And NO I DIDN’T LIKE THE MOVIE (1) Nor did anyone in the PulpRev or Superversive SF circles (as far as I can tell.)
but some people did like the movie… and this must be investigated further.
There’s no real need to explain why thus objectively bad movie isn’t resonating with general audiences and the reasons why Star Wars Fans hate The Last Jedi back just as much as the movie hates them have already been explored in depth and style.
What therefore remains to be explained is why is there a small but noticeable group of people who did enjoy this terrible abomination of a movie? Why did the pod people like The Last Jedi?
First of all we can discount the SJW elements who are praising Soy Wars: Episode Hate (2) as they have no actual opinions of their own and are simply going along with the groupthink.
Professional shills and movie critics can also be discounted. Even those that didn’t take the Mouse Money are too terrified of being blacklisted in a Disney controlled entertainment industry.
This leaves a very distinct group of people: Movie Buffs and Generic Pop Culture Geeks.
You know who I’m talking about…
These are the Jack of All Trades Geeks who are not hardcore fans of any one thing but focus on keeping up with pop culture and current happenings. They typically learn enough to have a five minute conversation about virtually any geek fandom. These are the Shallow Geeks (3). They try to have fun every where they can and don’t get too tied into any one thing.
They also WATCH A LOT OF MOVIES
In fact the only difference between a Shallow Geek and a Professional Movie Critic is that the Shallow Geek typically has a real job and may have read several non-Harry Potter books (4).
Again you know who I’m talking about.
So why do hardcore movie watchers enjoy Star Wars: The Last Jedi?
Well we could ask them but none of them seem to be able to give a full answer.
The best responses involve vague worded variations on, “It was something different. It was unexpected.”
So let’s work from that. Something about this movie was different from all the other movies our Pod Person has recently watched.
For that we have to go back the original George Lucas Star Wars and what did George Lucas famously do? He made very heavy use of Joseph Campbell’s Monomyth theories
George Lucas did other things but this is what the Hollywood types latched onto and very quickly hack screenwriters begin to incorporate elements of A Hero With A Thousand Faces into practically every Hollywood movie… and things have gotten to the point that for all practical effects modern movies and entertainment all have pretty much the same plot being told over and over again with only the names changed.
Joseph Campbell’s work is not invalid but it has been overused so much that is has become a cancerous tumour on the face of modern storytelling.
There are other ways to tell a story than the standard three act set.
Your blue-pilled, Rick and Morty loving, coworker in the next cubicle is technically correct. (5) Star Wars: The Last Jedi actually did something completely different. A HOLLYWOOD MOVIE DIRECTLY SHAT UPON THE JOSEPH CAMPBELL MONOMYTH.
And when someone who watches a lot of movies (most of which have the same plot timing) they immediately notice that something is new and different even if they can’t quite put their finger on it.
Of course attacking the monomyth is simply a prerequisite to shitting on and destroying the entire rest of the Star Wars mythos (6) but that’s another topic entirely.
But at least we now have an explanation for the critics reaction and the ratings split. Movie critics were so overjoyed by the subversion of the Monomyth that they subconsciously forgave the sins of an otherwise terrible movie. The mass audience on the other hand did not.
1 Among other things as a Space Navy League loyalist I found the tactics portrayed in The Last Jedi to so stupid and nonsensical that I took it as a personal insult.
2 Soy Wars: as in all the meat has been removed and replaced with filler. Also T-Levels are dropping at an alarming level.
3 As opposed to the Deep Geek who specializes in a small number of niche hobbies and gains mastery over them. Shallow Geeks are the guys you see on The Big Bang Theory. Deep Geeks are the guys discussing the differences between Dominions 4 and 5 and whether or not a blessed Jotun Scout Rush is a viable strategy with the new commander recruiting mechanics.
4 Not always a sure thing.
5 The best kind of correct.
6 Hollywood never understood Star Wars or why people enjoyed those movies. I continue to hold that the real genius of Star Wars was having a setting that was epic (galaxy spanning) in scale but where one man in a starfighter could make a difference. Of course you need actual heroic characters for that.
Bradford C.Walker further explains what he means by Narrative Warfare.
The Mixed GM/ Not John Daker offers suggestions on how to put out the dumpster fire.
My suggestions involved having a movie start off with a fighter pilot duel between Diversity Wedge and an First Order ace played by Nicolas Cage.
Also Twi’lek dancing girls…
and I can’t really say I was that surprised.
but don’t take my word for it. Listen to this random Angry As All Fuck Aussie.
Heroes who don’t do anything heroic. Soy Villains and subplots that don’t go anywhere.
Worst of all the movie is chalk full of forced diversity and what appears to be very deliberate Narrative Warfare.
The Last Jedi wasn’t a failed attempt to tell a story it was a carefully crafted knife in the back to anyone who still considered themselves a Star Wars fan.
Just wanted to make quick post tonight but the stormwatchers are officially in OH SHIT mode.
Ask yourself what other implications an act like this might have going forward?
Spicer responded, “I think the president and a small group of people know exactly what he meant” and offered no other explanation. This unexpected response spawned additional media attention and criticism for its cryptic meaning, with commentators unsure if Spicer was joking or not.
Oh and about that Alabama election; even on the surface it seems like a Pyrrhic victory for the Democrats since they expended enormous resources and efforts in order to win a single senate seat. In a move that… is going to have very strange repercussions for the future the Alt-Left starting calling Roy Moore a pedophile since apparently calling people ‘racist’ no longer works in [CURRENT-EST YEAR EVER]
The Democratic Machine and the Cuckservatives also had to resort to obvious and detectable election fraud in order to beat a surprisingly strong popular vote.
Which brings us to the latest Q theory.
Food for thought if nothing else. Q is just reliable enough that we can’t ignore him. (Or them as Roy Potter is probably right about Q being a team of people.)
and while I’m thinking about it. Let’s remember those voting machines…
[UPDATE: This image and the email in question is probably fake but I’ll have to look into it tomorrow.]
Not suspicious at all.
I’ve always had a soft spot for Alabama… could never really explain why.
The lead up to the holidays is always a rough time of year for me…