AR-15 Facts and Secret History

Evil Looking Gun Thought to be an AR-15


AR-15 Facts

-Zeus no longer strikes down mortals with lightning these days since an AR-15 does the job just as well.

-The only thing that can stop a man with an AR-15 is a man with two AR-15s.

-AR-15s will asexually reproduce if left to their own devices.

-Any animal killed by an AR-15 will be reincarnated as a higher form of life.

-The South lost the Civil War because they didn’t have any AR-15s.

-The South insists that they will be ready next time.

-AR-15s have been found growing on trees in parts of Alabama.

-You can leave an AR-15 laying in mud for twenty years. Dig it up covered in rust and still piss off a liberal with it.

-AR-15s can disguise themselves as other guns. As a result no journalist is entirely sure what an AR-15 actually looks like.

-The militaries of the world will not ban nuclear weapons but they have all agreed never to shoot AR-15s at each other.

-An AR-15 was sent back in time by MIT scientists. That AR-15 is believed to be responsible for the Armenian genocide.

-AR-15 can be converted into an M-60 Patton main battle tank. This is about a six hour process for your average gunsmith.

-In a survival situation you can eat your AR-15 as an emergency protein ration. Just remember to spit out the firing pin.

-The AR-15 will shoot three bullets for every one you load into the magazine.

-Dual wielding AR-15s is encouraged.

-One in ten Americans are born with an AR-15. The rifle then has to be carefully pried out of their hands by hospital staff and then thoroughly cleaned.

-AR-15s will become fully automatic if the user screams “dakka dakka dakka!”

-For best results please clean your AR-15 using the tears of your enemies.


Things you can shoot out of an AR-15 when you get tired of boring old bullets.

Armor piecing incendiary buckshot

Groin seeking microgrenades

Charles Bronson

Tomahawk cruise missiles

Overdue library books

Other AR-15s

Scottish claymores

Fully loaded baked potatoes

Chaff canisters (to jam police radar guns)

Poison arrow tree frogs

Half ton pickup trucks


History of the AR-15:

The AR-15; more properly known as the Armstrong Lunar Combat Rifle was developed by NASA in 1969 in response to the need for a weapon that could punch through the heavily armored spacesuits worn by Moon Nazis. Previous engagements had proven that the standard issue space glock could only kill a Moon Nazi at what amounted to point blank range.

The resulting weapon was reliable, accurate and easily enchanted with magical abilities. The AR-15 was the mainstay weapon used in the Operation Apollo raids and many Moon Marines became deeply attached to their weapon often smuggling them home. After the First Lunar War surplus stocks of AR-15s were quietly sold off on the civilian market in a failed attempt to balance the budget.

The Second Lunar War of 1979-1983 allowed the AR-15 to show it’s worth again. Proving more reliable and easier to use in a spacesuit than the Soviet gyrojet rifle the AR-15 allowed the outnumbered Americans to stand their ground against the relentless waves of Soviet Space Commandos.

NASA and the US Moon Marines now longer use the AR-15 in frontline service, however the rifle is still preferred over the new AR-17Ns for use in martian conditions. More importantly any citizen who is familiar with the AR-15 can quickly learn to use the AR-17N and serve as a Moon Marine in the event of an alien invasion. This is main reason the AR-15 in legal in US and that the US military is covertly pressuring peaceful gun hating countries like Canada to legalize the AR-15. More shooters means more Moon Marines. Which means more problems for those horrible green things from Sirius VI – Moon 8.

AR-15 Facts and Secret History

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