Reflections, an Explanation and Pressing Forward

When failure is a habit following up on a success is a confusing, alien experience.

Unexpected victory or even the first signs that things are not completely hopeless can rattle an Omega just as much as an unexplainable loss can stagger and enrage an Alpha.

The last couple of weeks have been an interesting time in my life. While nothing big has happened, a whole bunch of little things have happened at the same time. So I’ve been under an unaccustomed to amount of stress and emotional turmoil and I haven’t been handling it properly.

My failure to get a proper article up following the completely unforeseen success of the Three Pillars article has been eating at me very badly. I did put up two quick articles in an attempt to get something, anything up but I pulled them down and so I feel I owe my readers an explanation.

The first article was written as a quick reaction to news from the Manitoba provincial election where the Progressive Conservatives threw the Socialist NDP out of power. I feel that article was poorly done and below the minimal standards I must set for myself from now on. I always blunder or make a fool of myself when I attempt to cover current events (although people did like the Trump article.)

I dropped out of all political discussion a decade ago, so getting started again is very uncomfortable and unwieldy. I might redo the article in the future if time and energy permits. Trust me there will be plenty to say about Canada’s bachi baazi dancing puppet Prime Minister.

Seriously though the Justin Trudeau gay rumors are reaching Marco Rubio levels. Which might explain why him and Obama get along so well. Men of equal SSH rank bond very quickly because they understand each other on a subconscious level. That would also apply to secret Lambdas. Of course this is all just rumors at the moment. Maybe Milo should send some of his black friends to investigate?

The second article which I’m going to refer to as the ‘damaged product blog’ is embarrassing in light of the fact that the next morning I did decide to return the product to the retailer and let them know about what had happened, since this was a quality control issue and they needed to know. So I pulled the article very quickly and almost nobody saw it.

I do not live in a major city however and an incident that unique (and hilarious) could be used as an identifying marker. That’s probably just paranoia though but sometimes it’s better to be decisive and wrong than wishy-washy and right. The ‘damaged product post’ may go back up. Very mixed feelings on that. Still not sure exactly how much truth I want to speak to power and I have no reason to drop this pseudo-name. Still haven’t explained anything to my family.

“Hi Dad. Yeah I’m writing again. No it’s not about gay elves this time.”

I just wanted to play videogames. Hell I just wanted other people to be able to play videogames and not get yelled at by a bunch talentless anti-gamer hacks. I had effective been out of the hardcore gaming culture for about five or six years when GamerGate happened. I got involved (for what little good I may have done) on sheer principle.

FUCK YOU! People like you DO NOT get to tell me or anyone else! What videogames to play!

Oh and when I learnt about Sadpuppies and finally got a full explanation about what was happened in sci-fi and fantasy publishing I got madder about that than about anything in the endless internet freakshow that is #GamerGate.

My first full strength exposure to Pink SF left SCARS!!!

This shit is deeply personal to me.

Anyway I just wanted to explain what’s going on. Long term things will be fine. In the short term I’m a jittery idiot however with a lot of work to do.

I make no real secret that I’m trying to scrape my ass off of the very bottom of the loser barrel and having to fight the remains of what was once a John Scalzi strength self-delusion field in the process.

Every time the field falters another red pill takes effect and I fall to the ground screaming in pain and pass out.

But when I wake up I’m just a little stronger and a little more free.



Reflections, an Explanation and Pressing Forward

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