The Things You Find in a Box of Cracker-Chips

Life is just full of surprises. I got one today.


Wait what the hell is that thing? Well it’s not something you’d expect to find in a box of cracker chips.


Is cracker-chips supposed to be hyphenated or is two separate words? I don’t know. I don’t even know who to ask.

It’s a splinter from a wooden shipping pallet and it was inside the box of chips. In fact I only found while I was pouring myself a second bowl of chips, having already eaten the first.

Nice and pointy too.


I measured this baby at 11 cm long. Which would make it about four and half inches in ‘Murican. That’s a fairly large piece of wood that’s somewhere it’s not supposed to be. So how did it get there?


I hindsight I shouldn’t have grabbed that box as there was obvious damage but I figured

-That’s just the outer packaging box. They get dented all the time. Looking at that hole showed the inner bag was fine.

-I was in a hurry. (Nobody brings their A-game to a grocery store.)

-I wanted that flavor and only that flavor, so I didn’t even look for another undamaged box.


Here’s what I missed. A second smaller hole that did go through the inner bag.

Inside the bag

Well shit? So what must have happened during either the shipping to the store or more likely at the distribution warehouse is that two pallets must have been brushed against each other hard enough for a piece of one pallet to break off and be driven into the food on the other pallet.

Basically the guy driving the forklift fucked up. Which happens more than you think.

Now the company should still have spotted the damaged product but they didn’t or and so it got shipped to the retailer. The retailer didn’t spot the damage where the product was put on the shelf, probably by a part employee. The employee for all we know might have spotted the damaged box but didn’t have the authority to toss product and wasn’t going to bother his manager over something that was just a hunch.

That entry wound is very small and I understand how everybody could have missed it. Just a little twist of fate, some logistical fiction and I got myself a happy new souvenir.

So anyway I’ll be hanging to my little friend just in case Hillary Clinton comes to town and I need an oak stake in a hurry.


And yes I’m eating the chips. I’m no alpha male but I’ve watched enough Survivorman to not be a complete goddamn pussy when it comes to food.

But can you imagine what finding a four and half inch piece of wood inside a box of their favourite hip trendy snack food would do the emotional well being of a typical social justice warrior? I can. I know the gamma delusion bubble very well. The nightmares would last for weeks. I’m sitting here cackling about it as I type this.

That’s why I’m eating the chips and doing so with a tremendous joy. A small personal proof that I can take small setbacks or disappointments in stride and not completely lose my shit over things that mean nothing. I mean I could go back to the store Monday and raise a stink about it but it’s a box of chips and I got shit to do. Besides if Les Stroud saw me wasting perfectly good food he’d probably kick my ass.


I pulled this post down almost immediately after posting since I decided after a few hours of sleep that returning the box of chips and telling the retailer what had happened was the correct thing to do since this was a quality control issue. The retailer handled the incident very smoothly. Well I was initially embarrassed about this whole thing I have decided to restore the post as this was a personal growth moment and the icing on the cake of what was a fairly stressful week.

The Things You Find in a Box of Cracker-Chips

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